When Mothers Rest at Christmas

What went through my mind this Christmas was the role of mothers during the holiday season and how that role can evolve.

This Christmas Day, I sat with my friend, also a mother of girls like me and we rested and reflected together. The day was calm. We were helping the kids colour a paper tablecloth for Christmas. At some point, we all simply lay, me on the couch with one of the four girls, and she took a rest with another, and the others played. We were not rushing or running between tasks. We were just sitting, resting, and enjoying a slow life together. Meanwhile, three men were in the kitchen making chapati and other goodies.

I joked at the table as we thanked the men that if village women found us sitting and resting on Christmas Day, we would be sent back to where we came from and we would become the talk of the village for such “ungendered” behaviour! That joke opened the door for me to invisibly reflect on our childhood Christmas memories.

🌿 Childhood Christmas — village and town

Growing up, I had several possibilities for Christmas.

Sometimes we travelled upcountry to be with my grandparents on both sides. Because we lived far and travelling was crowded and expensive, we didn’t go as often as I would have liked. However, the times we did go remain very memorable: being with cousins in the village, bathing in the river, playing together, eating outside, observing the clear stars, and our fathers would sometimes engage us with riddles as the women were cooking.

Most times, though, we celebrated Christmas in the small town where I was raised. I loved my church community. Many families stayed for Christmas, and we would prepare Christmas plays from the Bible, memorise Bible verses from the Christ birth stories and sing Christmas songs. The preparation took the whole month of December, and we would go to church most afternoons. It was fun. God bless our Sunday School teachers: “Kidunga,” Margaret, the late Teacher Pius, and the few parents who helped.

On Christmas Day, we received goodies in church, sometimes even a Christmas card. Afterwards, we went home to eat what had been prepared, mostly by mothers. Some children were visited by cousins, and others travelled after church. I mostly went home, ate, and then walked around the neighbourhood with other children also sampling what had been prepared in those homes 🙂

A few times, my parents made arrangements with a family friend: we celebrated Christmas together, then on January 1st, we visited the other family.

🎄 Clothes, mothers, and hidden labour

Christmas also meant new clothes if you were lucky. It was almost like a fashion show to see what others were wearing. But it could be hard when you didn’t have anything new. I remember one Christmas when I chose not to go to church because there were no Christmas clothes.

I remember how my mother not my father 🙂 tried to make sure we had new clothes and enough food from her salary as a primary school teacher, so that it felt like Christmas. Sometimes the clothes were bought from the shop; sometimes it was cheaper to have them made by a tailor. 

When I think about village Christmases, I also remember clearly how mothers, aunts, and grandmothers were very busy cooking. It was their joy, indeed, but it was also a considerable amount of work.

Seeing the men in the kitchen this Christmas brought back all these memories.

🤍 Now as a mother

Time has gone so fast. I can hardly believe I have already been a mother for eight Christmases.

I sat and reflected on the ones I loved and the ones I wish I had done differently. If I had known my grandmother would be gone now, and seeing how life has changed, I would probably have organised for my daughters to spend more time in the village with both sets of grandparents and even great-grandparents and great-great-grandmothers.

But here we are. Life has caught up with me. It is my time now. I am my daughters’ background. It is my season to create Christmas memories and traditions for them that they will cherish for years to come.

I am also grateful for the seasons of life and for the families not related by blood that God has brought into our lives families with whom we can share Christmas.

✨ This Christmas — something new

This Christmas was the first time I attended church on the night of the 24th and spent the morning of the 25th in God’s presence, together with one of my daughters.  Before that, we had a small Christmas Eve dinner, which the girls helped to set up, and they really enjoyed it.

🌸 A gentle question to other mothers

I wonder how you celebrated your Christmas this year.

As a mother, are you consciously or unconsciously creating traditions that you want your children to remember?

And how might the role of mothers at Christmas gently change from only working and serving, to also resting, reflecting, and being present?